Epic Fail

I’ve been gone doing my own thing for the past couple of months. Been very busy trying to get work done and manage to milk my way through this institution known as Howard University. In any event, to summarize the past couple of months of my experience, I’ll just pick up where I left off.

Howard Homecoming is a celebration of the football team’s continuous losing streak. Only sometimes it is used to give the players a sense of hope after having lost several games throughout the season. It is a time when students use their “emergency loans” to head over to Georgetown and pick up a new outfit. Girls head over to the salon to get a rent-a-weave. The guys find it necessary to purchase clothing far beyond their means of living they knowingly can’t afford on normal salary. I’m not sure who told some of them Avirex and Iceberg was still in style, but clearly this is not Hampton.

So like a typical person trying to get ahead in life, I only attended the free events that were offered during Homecoming week, Yardfest. Now Yardfest is basically an outdoor concert SUPPOSED to be for Howard students, their friends and/or family, and alumni. However the local residents view it as a “Negro Get Away for a Day” program and mosey their way onto campus as if they actually attend the school…and dare you to say something about it. But then again it’s not like campus security does anything ANYWAY [roll eyes]. So I went to the Yardfest which was aptly title “Rhythm Nation” so I was expecting some type of Janet Jackson tribute, and if I didn’t get one, I was going to raise hell and send Janet a letter telling her to sue Howard for copyright infringement. But lo and behold they knew better than to play with me.

Walking around the yard was fun…lots of girls in spandex so I couldn’t really complain. HOWEVER, there are just some people who refuse to comply with the weather.

Take note of how everyone around is dressed. Warm clothing, jackets, jeans, you know the typical apparel for fall. But as stated, some people refuse to conform.

And there must have been a sale on brown boots at Rack Room Shoes or wherever these girls shop for footwear...

Wearing shorts in 40 degree weather? Fail.

Compromising warmth to look cute in an outfit you know you’ll be returning the following Monday? Fail.

Trying to look cute in front of boys who don’t want you? Epic fail.

For everything else, there's success. This is not one of those times.

Epic fail. 

So moving on…I have the same three classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays weekly. So with that said, you know how you learned in middle school that there’s no such thing as a dumb question? Whoever told you that lied. It was two weeks before Thanksgivings day (a Thursday), and I was in class and had to bear witness to this foolishness:

Professor: I know some of you aren’t coming to class on Tuesday because you’re going home for Thanksgiving…but you know you still have to turn in your work.

Student: If we’re not going to be here that Tuesday, can we turn it in next Thursday?

Professor: Yes...you can turn it in this coming Thursday.

Student: No next Thursday…

Epic fail.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays I only have one class. It is conveniently at 8:10 in the morning. So one day I really didn’t feel like going to class, so I planned to show up late so I wouldn’t have to sit through all 50 minutes of the class. So I left my room around 8:20 and got to class around 8:30. Upon my arrival to class I noticed the professor never showed up, and everyone was signing the role and leaving.

Epic fail.

On November 11^th, it was raining, and kind of cold. I got up at 7:30, got dressed, and did the whole nine, and left for class around 8 a.m. As I was walking, I was wondering why there wasn’t anyone on campus. I walked about two blocks before I realized it was a holiday and we didn’t have class.

Epic fail.

Then I tried to play it off like I was going to the Administration Building, only to get there and realize that was closed as well.

Fail...again.

So Thanksgiving finally came around, and my flight was literally on Thanksgiving day. So thinking that it’s the holiday and this is the Washington, DC airport, I figured that it would be very busy. So I decided that I should get there around 8 a.m. to check in and through security…you know just in case it was really busy. I get off the train and notice the airport is pretty much a ghost town. I look at the clock and it was around 8:00 a.m. I was 4 ½ hours early for my flight.

Epic fail.

I got to the airport expecting this. Instead I got this. So after about 3 ½ hours of waiting, I decided to go to the terminal and prepare to board. It was about 45 minutes before takeoff and I was wondering why no one was boarding. I was at the wrong gate.

Epic fail.

So I was at work one day during a Christmas rush helping a customer when I hear a soft “Oh shit!” followed by a loud noise come from the escalator. I walk over and notice an old woman had successfully fallen down the “up” escalator.

Epic fail.

It took me a few minutes to absorb the events that had just transpired. I knew laughing was out of the question. Not because it was an old woman, but because I was perplexed by how a woman had fallen down the escalator going up. Like, isn’t that a conflict of interest? I think I was more in shock than anyone. I assumed her dress had gotten caught in the side somehow. But that’s all assumption. And then when someone had finally gotten her off the escalator, she said she did not need medical attention. Ma’am, you are about six breaths from Judgment Day. You need to see a paramedic. So once I got off work, I was in the back gathering my things to leave and these two co-workers were discussing the incident. And one of them said, “you know that’s why I always hold on to the handrail when I’m on the escalator.” And I was thinking to myself, it’s not that serious. Just get on the escalator and stand still until you get to the top!

Epic fail.

To this day I am still dumbfounded on how that old woman managed to pull that off.

My life at Howard University.

Classroom Etiquette

There’s a class, I won’t, say the name of it, but this class reaffirms my position that Howard has some of the dumbest kids the US has to offer. You’d think after many years of being in school, you would have a grasp on classroom etiquette. However, these fools refuse to give in. So I just want to break down some of the rules of proper classroom etiquette and mannerisms.

1.    1. It’s nearly the end of the semester. You’ve been going to class for at least 2 and a half months. Why in the HELL is your phone still going on off in class? Why are you still forgetting to put your phone on vibrate when you enter class? Is it really that hard?

2.  Ladies, nappy horse hair weaves are not conducive to the learning environment. In fact, studies indicate that students are distracted by your nappy locks. There is no reason why your hair looks like a wet mop. If you’re having a bad hair day, wear a hat or some type of head scarf.

3.    3. Coming to class, signing the roll, and leaving minutes later does not constitute as ‘being in class’.

4.    4. Speaking of the roll, unless you’re sitting in the front or back of the row, pass the sign in sheet to the person IN FRONT of you. Not the person to your left. Not the person to your right. Not to the person in the Financial Aid office. To the person IN FRONT of you. It’s not that hard.

5.    5. When you see the roll coming around, have a working pen/pencil ready to sign the roll. Don’t get the roll and spend 10 minutes looking for a pen. You saw the sign in sheet coming.

6.    6. If you come late, do not come to class all loud; dragging the desk in front of class, cutting off the professor, letting the dorm slam. Just tacky. If you’re going be late, please be as quiet as possible when entering.

7.    7. Do not sit in the front and fall asleep. It makes you look like an idiot in front of the professor.

8.    8. How are you gonna come late and then fall asleep in class?

9.    9. If you’re going to be more than 30 minutes late for class, just don’t come; unless it’s Tuesday or Thursday. Freshman year this fool walked in to class at 9:58.

10. 10. Professors with sloppy handwriting is very irritating. It is not a sign of intelligence. I don’t care what people say.

11. 11. Professors with thick accent, you know damn well can’t nobody understand a word you are saying. Write what you’re saying on the board. It’ll save a lot of time.

12. 12. Professors, when half the class is sleep or doing other things, just dismiss class. You’re boring, and wasting people’s time.

13.  13. Please refrain from asking dumb questions in class. I will never forget the fall of 2008. After a quiz, the professor told everyone to pass up their quizzes. Ten minutes later some girl asks, “did you collect the quizzes?”

14. 14. If you’re in an auditorium classroom, don’t come in late expecting there to be seats in the front.

15. 15. How are you gonna come late, and then leave early? WTF was the point in you coming to class?

16. 16. Always agree with the consensus. If the class says push the test back to next week. Agree. Don’t say let’s have it now. You’ll end up on the back of a milk carton.

17.  17. Not coming to class because you didn’t do the assignment doesn’t give you an extension on the assignment. It’s still late whenever you turn it in.

18. 18. Please be aware of what you wearing when you come to class. A gentleman wearing a sleeveless bubble coat and a “Gucci” sun visor caused a massive disturbance in class one day.

That also includes stuff like this:

And this:

19. 19. Don’t be triflin’. Clean up the four course meal you had once class is over.

20. 20. Last, but not least, try your best not to be loud and wrong. I cannot stress that enough. I will laugh uncontrollably.   

My life at Howard University.

When Will You People Learn?

Howard has to have some of the most socially illiterate people I have ever come across. The past two days have been....well I can't put it to words, so I'll just use emoticons. The past two days have been like this , this , and this .


So Tuesday morning, I usually wake up a little after 10, usually 10:15, no later than 10:30 since I have class at 11. So I wake up to the workers doing construction.. So the sun is up and it's sunny. So you know I'm thinking it's about 10, 10:15. I look at my phone. It's 7:42. WTF??? Who in the hell commissioned DC construction workers to begin working so early!? And they weren't doing anything average like fixing a broken sewer pipe. With the noise they were making, you'd think they were erecting a skyscraper. I look out my window to see this:

Pounding the pavement and drilling holes in the ground. Like seriously??? Really??? It didn't cross their minds that people would be, oh I don't know, sleep??? What you're doing at 7:42, I'm sure you can do at 10 or 11. And the vibrations were ricocheting all throughout my room. My bed was like moving like one of those vibrating beds at a run down Vegas motel. They were relatively loud. I couldn't even watch my Step By Step in peace. I was highly disturbed.

But whatever.



Anyway, there are just some things I will never understand. One of them involves common etiquette. So sometime last week I walked over to Safeway. Yes, I walked. You may say from the Towers to Safeway in Adams Morgan is a long walk but it's really not, at least imo. So like usual, I walked in and totally forgot what  I went to the store to get, and ended up buying a whole bunch of stuff I didn't go into the store for. [eats another pack of Gushers]. I didn't feel like walking back to the Towers, so I caught the shuttle at Meridian back to the Towers. So this dummy tries to get on as me and this girl were getting off. Like sir...WTF are you doing??? Did you not think there would be people getting off? You're supposed to look through the window and see if anyone is getting off before you proceed to board the shuttle. You idiot.

It's the same situation with the elevators. First of all, let me just say that pressing the elevator button multiple times isn't gonna make the elevator come any faster. So just stop. It irritates me. Anyway, let people get off the elevators before you try to pile drive your ass onto the elevator. The elevator isn't going anywhere anytime soon. And I'm sure someone will hold the elevator door open so you can get on. It's not that serious.


Whilst walking to class, understand that the sidewalk is built for two way traffic. That entails a person or persons traveling in opposing directions in single file on a walkway. That means one person on one side of the pavement, and another on the other side of the pavement. With that said, if you're walking with a friend or friends in the same direction and there is a person walking towards you, one of you needs to move over. Don't try and get by because you're gonna bump into the person. Let's use common courtesy people. This irritates me. You see me coming. You see there isn't enough room for me to walk by. Move your sloppy ass in front or behind your friend until I pass by. Flipping idiot.





My life at Howard University.

So You Suspended My Visitation...

So about a week or so ago my friend came down from Philly (unannounced). I was happy because I haven't seen the tramp in over a year, despite the fact that she lives 2 hours away. But we wont get in to that. Anyway, so I check her in and whatever. So I call my other ace boon coon and tell him the third person of the "Awesome Threesome" is in town. Of course we wanted it to be a surprise so we didn't tell him. I figured out a way to get him from where he was, back to campus. Wasn't hard, I just told him someone was wearing his clothes. Now how the he got from upper Maryland to DC is 20 minutes is beyond me. So we chit chat in the lobby of the west towers for a bit. So we tell him to try and make it back by 2 am since he lives in the east towers and has 24 hour visitation. So as predicted, he didn't make it back. So 2 am comes, my friend is sleep, I'm on my computer minding mine, and someone knocks at the door. I know who it is and what they wanted, but I didn't feel like getting up. So my friend stayed overnight, even though she wasn't supposed to. So the next day me and my two friends (the SOB that didn't make it back to campus by 2) go to lunch brunch. We have our fun and what not.

So about 3 days later, I get this letter from my RA, or SA, or whatever the hell they're called from the building manager saying my visitation has been suspended due to "improper check out" or whatever the foolishness was. Here's what the letter reads:

"It was brought to  my attention that you violated your visitation privileges. In order to get this privilege restored, you are to provide Community Service.

Located within walking distance of Howard University is Cardozo High School. Through the Howard University Center for Urban Progress a need for volunteer tutors and homework helpers are needed.

You are to provide 20 hours of Community Service, at Cardozo High School, a background clearance my [somehow the building manager misspelled "may"]  be required to work in the District of Columbia School System. 

To schedule available time please contact: so and so

Once the hours are completed, visitation will be restored. If they are not complete visitation privileges is terminated until February 28, 2010."

 [end of letter]




Are they serious???


First of all, is this Howard University of La Petite Academy? Because the lines of distinction are wearing thin. I was baffled as I was reading this "notice". And I'm in my room reading this letter like this, and wondering if they are just pulling my leg. Low and behold, they were dead serious.

Okay, now I'm all for helping the youth. That's all fine and dandy. HOWEVER, this school..no ma'am Pam. First off, the school looks like a replica of a 19th century Soviet Union prison. I think the aesthetics are the least of my worries at this point. This is the same school that went through this just recently. It is a shame that a college student has to fear for their safety at a high school.

And then THE NERVE Howard to insult me by saying, "a background clearance my be required to work in the District of Columbia School System." Excuse me??? I live in a dorm, not a halfway house. And 20 hours at that? I don't even have 20 hours worth of class per week. WTF makes you think I'm gonna spend my time at a high school tutoring Bebe's Kids? Now in the event I do decide to help out the kids, what exactly will I be doing? I know myself, if me and the students hit a snag on something, I'm gonna tell them to just cheat on the test. Yeah it's wrong, but half the nonsense I learned in high school I barely remember, or don't use now. It is really all busy work. I wouldn't be the best candidate for tutoring kids.


Long story short, this letter will find a home somewhere in the DC landfill, wherever that may be. I will have visitors whether if they know about it or not. I pay to be here. Don't restrict my rights.




My life at Howard University.